The Antichristian Phenomenon

After July’s stream of brave confessions, the time has come to publish those that have been posted on the forums. These confessions have been made by truly antichristian people with great courage. Whether this bravery is sincere is up to you to decide.

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I know everyone embeds xkcd all the time but I just couldn’t resist doing it this time

continuing from Ain’t Christian’s post:

Taoism
Shit happens.
Buddhism
If shit happens, it’s not really shit.
Islam
If shit happens, it’s the will of Allah.
Protestantism
Shit happens because you don’t work hard enough.
Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism
This shit happened before.
Catholicism
Shit happens because you’re bad.
Hare Krishna
Shit happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism
Send more shit.
Atheism
No shit.
Jehova’s Witness
Knock knock, shit happens.
Hedonism
There’s nothing like a good shit happening.
Christian Science
Shit happens in your mind.
Agnosticism
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn’t.
Rastafarianism
Let’s smoke this shit.
Existentialism
What is shit anyway?
Stoicism
This shit doesn’t bother me.

Here’s my contributions:

Epicurism
I don’t need this shit

Murphy’s Law
Shit always happens

Scientology
This shit is good for you

Jedi
May the shit be with you

Pastafarianism
Touched by his shitty appendage. Ramen!

Orthodox Christian
This is the correct way to shit

Paganism
The shit is all around us!

Dodecatheism
Fuck that shit

Satanism
I happen

I was trying to find a religion to fit “Holy shit!” as a saying but nothing came up. Any suggestions?