The Antichristian Phenomenon

I’ve been away for a long time, all the while with db0 demanding I start posting again.

Well, I have read Waldheri’s confession, and figured it’s time I confess my own.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I haven’t been to confession for 11 years. The last time I was still in Catholic school and the friar told me I’d get a beating if I didn’t come up with a good confession. I was quite dishonest because of that, I made up a bunch of sins to avoid the beating. Sorry for lying in your face. Also I forgot to mention that I had taken a leak in the friar’s holy water. What’s his status by the way? I haven’t heard of him for ages, but I suspect he’s training the CIA in special interrogation techniques for use in Guantanamo.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. When I left that Catholic school I also stopped reading your holy book. Mostly because I finally had the free choice on which books to read, without getting threatened with a wooden ruler. But when you write the sequel can you put some orcs and elves in it? Some tough ass wizards as well perhaps. Wouldn’t it be much cooler if Jesus had a magic wand and shouted “You shall not pass” at those bloody green-skinned Romans?

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I broke an oath. When your servants arrived in my ancient fatherland, they made my ancestors swear never to serve their ancient gods any longer. Of course the oath was made with a torch near their home and a blade near their neck, but that’s inconsequential. I apparently forgot that these oaths sworn to you count for many future generations as well. I have reverted to honouring my own kind, but I can see now how wrong I am.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. When my biology teachers mentioned Darwin to me, the whole thing made sense. When I saw the proof to myself through the practice of science, I became even more stubborn in these false beliefs. At the time, I didn’t know yet all this “evidence” was just an attempt to frame your son. It must have been great for Jesus to ride on the backs of dinosaurs. Was it a T-Rex?

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. As a 12 year old boy I began exploring my own body and have done things so vile in the privacy of my bedroom that you must have grown blind just from watching me play with socks. Obviously I hadn’t learned the message of wholesome sing-a-longs such as this one. Out of repentance for my sins, I dedicate that song to you.

I’m supposed to say a bunch of Hail Mary’s now, right?

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